Our culture is obsessed with the idea of improving themselves. How do I know? Money talks.
The “personal development” market, which includes books, coaching, training, and seminars, has an annual market value of $41,810,000,000. For those of you trying to count the zeroes, that is $41.8 BILLION each year, and growing.
The personal development industry is expected to grow at a 5.5% rate each year for the next decade.
That’s a lot of self-help. A lot of information. A lot of theory. A lot of ideas.
I’ve read my fair share of these books, I’ve witnessed some dynamic speakers, and enjoyed short bursts of motivation or excitement. These things are not bad, but there are a few glaring problems.
These theories and ideas are just theories and ideas.
Self-help is about helping yourself.
Theories and Ideas
So what’s wrong with theories and ideas? Simply put, none of them work unless you do.
The greatest ideas of all time have no impact on anyone unless someone takes action. Your favorite guru could map out all the secrets to a successful life, get you excited in the moment, and make you jump up and down in anticipation, but unless you take consistent action, life doesn’t change. It all remains theoretical. It’s just the idea of a better life.
The problem is, change is uncomfortable. It’s hard. It’s rarely fun. So we have a natural tendency to seek out the path of least resistance and stay where it’s comfortable, familiar, and easy.
We choose not to change. No matter how great the theory or life plan, we don’t take action because action is hard to take.
Our self-preservation instinct kicks in and says, “Stay here where it’s predictable and easy. Stay under the blanket. Save your energy. You need the rest. Don’t overexert yourself. Sleep in. Snooze that alarm. Be careful. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t put yourself out there. You could embarrass yourself. What if you fail. Don’t risk it. It’s pretty good right here, isn’t it?”
Does this thought process sound like you? If so, you should read this: Chase Failure.
Helping Yourself
Okay, I get that you need to do something to see change. Well, I’m doing it, I’m taking action and making changes. What’s wrong with self-help being about helping yourself? Isn’t that the point?
Great question.
Here’s the problem: Improving your own life requires you to think about you less.
What?
That’s right.
To improve your life, you need to think about you less.
Jesus is pretty darn clear on his thoughts on this, when asked what the most important commandment is, he responds with two simple steps, both of which have nothing to do with you. He says:
“The most important commandment is this…
You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.
The second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.
No other commandment is greater than these.”
This is the original life hack: Love others. He doesn’t say love yourself more, have a mental health day, or work on your self-care routine. Nope, Jesus says to love others. Period.
Maybe you’re not interested in that religious mumbo jumbo. Okay, let’s look to the scientific world.
Where do we even begin here? There are countless studies spanning hundreds of years on the benefits of altruism on our personal wellbeing. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, you name it, shifting your focus towards others may very well be the best medicine anyone could take.
Here's a brief compilation of the health benefits of altruism as described in scholarly studies:
Reduced stress
Lower rates and severity of anxiety and depression
Improved mood and happiness
Increased satisfaction with life
Increased gratitude
Improved cardiovascular health
Increased life expectancy
Lower hospitalization rate
Greater sense of belonging
Reduced loneliness
Improved relationships
The benefits are many, and this list is certainly not exhaustive, but the takeaway is this:
Doing good for others is good for you.
This is such a widely accepted and powerful conclusion that one study even suggests doctors should consider writing prescriptions for patients to go volunteer as a form of medicine or therapy.
Wouldn’t that be something? You go to the doctor with some ailment and you leave with a prescription that says “Serve somebody.” That would be incredible, but it shouldn’t be surprising.
3,000 years ago, King Solomon wrote, “A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25 RSV). This is not a new concept, we have known for thousands of years that selfless acts have a positive impact on us.
But we get caught up in the latest and greatest theories and ideas and we get altogether focused on helping ourselves. In a society with skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety, stress, discontentment, and dissatisfaction, maybe we need to make a change?
Well I’m not a doctor, and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but consider this your unofficial prescription to go out and serve someone other than yourself. Let this be your call to action, to shift the focus from self-help to helping others. Who knows, maybe you'll get something out of it as well!
(If you don’t know Holiday Inn Express reference, watch this. You’re welcome)
Call To Action
What is one thing you can do today to make someone else’s life better? Leave your answer in the comments below!
Disclaimer: The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.
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